[Feature] Who and who not to invite to a video game dinner party.

Published on March 6th, 2014

First things first, let’s just get this out of the way now. Yes, I am aware of the fact that I only seem to write about things I’ve heard on the podcast.

I am not sorry about this. Now, onto my piece about something I heard on the podcast a couple of weeks ago…

We’ve probably all played the game of “Fantasy Dinner Party”, right? You can invite anyone, living or dead, to attend a dinner party you’re holding. Well, Ross based the Top 3 on this, asking for Lewis, El and Ryan to choose three videogame characters each, whom they’d invite to such a dinner party. This produced some great answers, and got me to thinking. Who would I invite to such a party? And who would I “accidentally” forget to invite? Read on to find out…

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Invite no.1: Demon Baby Door (Shadows of the Damned) – In these times of austerity, dinner parties must be done on a budget. So, who better to invite than a guest who will leave satisfied on just a single strawberry? Admittedly, getting the door into your dining room could be a struggle, being the large inflexible piece of wood that it is, but that’s a small price to pay for only having to spend a couple of quid on a small punnet of Wimbledon’s favourite fruit.

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Non-invite no.1: Cole Phelps (LA Noire) – Sorry, Ryan, but Cole Phelps would be a TERRIBLE dinner party quest.

Why, you ask?

Well, just picture the scene. Your guests have all arrived and are getting on like a house on fire. Nothing can possibly derail this evening. You bring out the starter – a nice beef pate on oatcakes. Everyone seems to love them…apart from Cole Phelps. He’s tasted it and is now looking at it in a suspicious, almost…doubtful…way. An eerie little piano riff plays. You have no idea where from. You don’t own a piano. He asks “This is a beef pate?”. “Yes”, you answer confidently. “You’re a liar”, replies Phelps in an agitated fashion. “TELL ME THE TRUTH OR I’LL MAKE SURE THIS IS THE LAST DINNER PARTY YOU EVER HOST OUTSIDE OF SING SING!”. “Whoa, whoa, whoa!”, you cry, trying to defuse the situation, before producing the receipt. Phelps looks it over, scribbles something into a notepad that he’s carrying around for no good reason, then calms down almost as quickly as he lost the plot. “My mistake”, he says sheepishly, before going back to nibbling the oatcake. The rest of the dinner party takes place in uncomfortable silence.

Sorry, Phelps. Your invite must have got lost in the post.

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Invite no.2: FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan (Deadly Premonition) – Still on the austerity theme, you need a guest who, frankly, will accept any old muck, if need be. Enter Agent York. Sure, he’s a little eccentric. Conversation would be weird. You wouldn’t be able to stop staring at that odd nervous tic he has going on with his hand. He’d constantly be staring at your wallpaper, wondering why it was moving. However, the man thinks that a sandwich containing turkey, strawberry jam and cereal is one of the best things he’s ever eaten. Now you can use this to your advantage. You’ve been looking for a way to get rid of those olives, that tomato sauce, those bran flakes and that naan bread for ages. Go nuts.

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Non-invite no.2: Andy (Fallout 3) – Fallout 3 is full of truly reprehensible characters, at least 99% of them would be worse dinner guests than Andy, the helper robot from Vault 101. So, why have I picked this harmless machine to be the focus of my scorn? Simple really…he’s a truly awful cake cutter. Did you see the mess he made of the birthday cake at your character’s 10th birthday party? Shocking. I need him as far away from my tiramisu as possible, thank you very much.

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Invite no.3: Steve (Minecraft) – It’s always handy to have someone there who knows their way around a kitchen, should things go wrong. Not only could Steve knock you up a mean fillet steak in a matter of seconds but, if the ultimate dinner party disaster – a broken cooker – were to happen, Steve could handily manufacture a fully-working wood-burning stove with just a few simple materials! Of course, you may have to deal with Phelps showing up to try and unfairly question him on the legality of his material-gathering methods, but if you fed another strawberry to the Demon Baby Door, it would probably keep him at bay until the coffee and mints were done.

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Non-invite no.3: Any of the St. Johns (The Walking Dead: A Telltale Game Series) – Ummm…let’s just say that I wouldn’t trust the “beef” casserole that they would bring along as a thank you for your hospitality…

So, there you have my ideal video game dinner party. Who would you invite to yours? Let us know in the comments and…happy planning!

Andy’s a top man to the RP2 cause, and writes occasional wordy wonders.
If it tickles your fancy you can follow his ramblings on twitter here: @PsychTyson
Or leave a comment below.

Images used under creative commons, rights to respective publishers/ manufacturers.

 

 

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